So you’ve been dating for longer than you can remember and you’ve been talking about taking the relationship on to that next level and moving in together. Cohabiting, as it is commonly known, is arguably the most significant step towards finding out if there is a long term future in your relationship. Scientific studies have argued that cohabiting is better for men’s mental health than it is for women’s. Arguably this may have something to do with the reduced level of overt ‘security’ that men need to feel, compared with their partner. What is clear is that unlike other forms of serious commitment, like getting engaged, having children or even lending you his car, What He Really Thinks about moving in together is that it can actually have immediate benefits.
Surprisingly, these benefits aren’t just based around food and sex either! Even alpha male friends of mine (you know, the kind of man that treats his car like his soul mate), have recently evolved their thinking and feel positive about moving in with their partners. The reason for this is so that they can enjoy the company of their girlfriend on a more consistent/spontaneous basis. Things like going out to the cinema or for a walk in the park can be enjoyed on a whim. Similarly, going for drive or even a short holiday abroad, are more immediately attainable. Spontaneity is very attractive to men because guys are notoriously bad at planning. Following on from this, WHRT about moving in together can also be viewed favourably because it allows him to plan his life better, i.e. he can structure his day between work, home, and spending time with you. Men, similar to children, need routine – but not so much routine that they are explicitly aware that they are ‘in’ a routine…if that makes sense?
Mr. Financial Prudence
WHRT about moving in together can also be seen as having a positive financial benefit due to the possibility of halving his bills. Of course on the flip side, some men can use money and finances as an excuse for not moving in together. I recently overheard two guys (late 20s/ early 30s) moaning loudly about house prices in the capital, then after about 10 minutes there was silence before one of them said to the other: ‘Well at least I can put off moving in with Donna until the market crashes and we can afford a caravan somewhere hahaha.’
Guys who don’t want to move in with their partner will rarely admit the real reason for this, instead they will use excuses such as the cost, or the distance from their place of work or even the need to make sure the new place is “big enough” for the two of you. Often these excuses aren’t even rational as they conveniently forget facts like you’re practically living together anyway, as he stays over your house most days and leaves in the morning to get into work.
These excuses tie can underlie a genuine insecurity that some men feel if they where to move in and then you broke up. WHRT is that’s its rare that you ever hear of a man kicking out a woman, and the fear of moving into a place where he could be one argument away from sleeping in his car is a very real one. Of course ultimately, compromise, communication and boundaries, i.e. working out the do’s and don’t’s before you move in together, will improve the chances of both of you feeling more comfortable about this next phase of the relationship.